Thank you, April, for allowing me to join you on your blog. I’m hoping we can have lots of input from your readers, and that during the discussion, someone will find words of encouragement that will help them navigate their own situation or become a source of real inspiration and support to someone else.
The issue of domestic violence among Christians is an emotionally charged subject, fraught with conflicting convictions and opinions. My stance begins and ends with the conviction that the Bible teaches that life should be chosen over any possibility, however remotely, of being theologically incorrect.
I believe in God. I have chosen to place my faith and eternal destiny in the hands of his risen son, Jesus Christ. My relationship with my Savior is the most important relationship in my life. In my own life and practice, I hold the Word of God in the highest esteem. Without qualification, I believe the Bible is God breathed. And I believe every word it says.
But I also recognize that my understanding and interpretations of certain biblical passages concerning roles between husbands and wives are simply theology.
So are everyone else’s, as the Bible does not speak as plainly on the subject as some are convinced it does, but rather invites thoughtful study and gives plenty of latitude for husbands and wives to stay within biblical bounds concerning their marriage relationship without being forced into the more traditional roles if that is not what they both choose to do.
If any of us are ever called upon to choose between a woman’s life and well being over our own, possibly faulty, theology concerning sex-roles within marriage, then we had better choose the life.
Life, is always more important than theology.
Without fail, in every interview I grant, I am asked about the doctrine of submission and how I feel it may relate to abuse and domestic violence within Christian marriages. The subject is a veritable powder keg. Anyone who broaches the subject with an untraditional view is practically begging for an explosion, but I will volunteer to strike the match today.
I see wifely submission as the Holy Grail of many evangelical leaders and husbands. Wives and husbands are frequently assured, by their spiritual leaders, that if the wife will submit properly to her husband, then most problems within the marriage will magically disappear.
This solution is like searching for the Holy Grail. The Grail cannot be found. Even if a wife may adopt, or is coerced through scripture abuse into adopting a subordinate role in the relationship to that of her husband’s, the wife can never submit enough.
This approach to dealing with marital discord can and does lead to violence and even death when paired with a man who has anger issues and violent tendencies. Studies have shown that submissive behavior in battered wives, does not deflect violence at all, but rather seems to exacerbate it.
I have personally spoken with pastors who espouse such a strict view of wifely submission, they blame wives for their husband’s violent behavior. In varying degrees, this is not an uncommon attitude among evangelical pastors. In some congregations, wives are subjected to church discipline when they begin to take responsibility for their own safety and well-being.
I received an email from a woman who recently divorced (only a few years ago). She shared that although her church leaders were aware that she was being battered, no church discipline was undertaken on the part of her church leadership against her violent husband. However, she was immediately placed under church discipline when she finally divorced him for beating her.
I was fortunate to have a supportive pastor when I divorced my violent husband. But during the years prior to that time, I found there was no escaping what I call the “church sanctioned oppression” most abused, church-going, Christian wives are usually required to endure–either overtly through the situation being ignored as they are instructed to stay and submit to the abuse, or covertly by being forced to deal with poorly concealed negative attitudes towards her for being married to an abusive man to begin with.
Along with multitudes of other abused wives, Christian or otherwise, I found myself withdrawing into silence and even beginning to shy away from developing new relationships due to the contempt and shame I experienced whenever someone rejected my friendship because of the abuse or became disgusted with me for not leaving the marriage.
The good news is, that with God, all things are possible.
When it became apparent that my husband was not going to seek help or change, wisdom entered into my heart and knowledge became pleasant to my soul, and God was more than able, at that time, to deliver me from the relationship–not only physically but emotionally as well.
We are challenged in the Bible to take responsibility for our own safety and eventual deliverance from the oppression of violence and abuse. At the same time, I know that we cannot do it ourselves, or, as a formerly battered friend so aptly phrased it, we would have gotten out the first time we were battered.
This opening statement leaves a great deal unsaid and by no means even comes close to dealing with the subject in depth. But it is my hope that we can round out the discussion during our time of questions and comments today.
April, thanks again for allowing me to visit your blog.
~~jocelyn andersen

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Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence
A Book That Could Save Lives
http://WomanSubmit.net