Life as a Christian Woman

How do you handle conflicts with other Christians? If you hear that someone has been spreading rumors about you, do you get angry and stew about it? Do you turn away in resentment? Do you angrily confront them face to face and give them a piece of your mind?

What if you see a fellow church member in a compromising position with someone else… who is not their spouse? Do you heat up the phone lines with the latest gossip?

According to Matthew 18, there are certain steps we should follow when we feel we have been wronged by one of our brothers or sisters in Christ.

15) If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16) But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. 17) If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as your would a pagan or a tax collector.
18) I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Matthew 18: 15-18 (New International Version)

These words were spoken by Jesus, and they serve as our guidelines for dealing with other Christians when conflict arises.

In verse 15, Jesus tells us that the first step is to go to the person you feel has wronged you, one on one. This is a hard step for most of us. Going to someone in Christian love when they have hurt you is so hard, but it is the right thing to do… the Christian thing to do.

In verse 16, Jesus explains that if the first step has failed, you should try again. This time, you should take along two or three others, to serve as witnesses that you are trying to reconcile the matter.

Finally, if all has failed, Jesus tells us to bring the matter to the church. At that point, should there be no resolution, and if you have expressed Christian forgiveness, you have done all you can do to resolve the matter.

In verse 18, binding and loosing refers to the decisions of the church in matters of conflict.

So where does this leave us? How do we, as everyday Christians, address a wrong committed against us, or attempt to correct a fellow Christian that we see straying from the word?

Pray, pray, pray before you go to them. Check your ego at the door, then meet with the person in Christian love. Start your meeting with a prayer, so that the person you are attempting to reconcile may see your heart. Then discuss the problem, not in an accusatory way, but with love and Christian concern.

If the person does not respond appropriately, go back again, this time with two or three other Christians who can serve as both witnesses and supporters. Perhaps it would be best if those that you ask to go with you aren’t your nearest and dearest friends, but more neutral. Avoid creating more conflict.

Finally, if all else has failed, go to the church. Perhaps this means setting up a meeting with your pastor (along with those that served as your witnesses), or with the deacons, elders, or any group within your congregation that has authority.

These are not easy steps… perhaps that is why so often we fail to follow them. It is much easier to feel anger, hurt and resentment, to lash out or to gossip. But that is not the spirit of Christ that we are to reflect.