Don’t ask if you don’t want to hear the answer!
I have a new mantra: If you don’t want to hear the answer, don’t ask the question.
All of us have asked those innocent little questions, like “Do these pants make me look fat?” or “Is she prettier than I am?” We ask them because we know that, no matter what the truth is, we will get an answer along the lines of “No, you look great in those pants!” or “She’s got nothing on you!”
But sometimes the questions are a little bit thornier. And while the truth may not be what you want to hear, it may be what needs to be said.
What if a friend told you she was doing something wrong… very wrong. Perhaps having an affair? She comes to you as a friend, confused yet excited. What do you tell her? Do you join in her excitement and keep her secret, or let her know its wrong?
This sounds easy on the surface, but it isn’t. Human nature leads us to want to be liked by those around us. And often to get that acceptance, keep that friendship, we are willing to drop our guard a bit, make an excuse.
But we are Christians. And as such, we are challenged by God to hold each other accountable in His sight. So we need to be straightforward, yet speak with love and understanding. James 1: 19 says:
“… everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
I use this verse to remind me to not just THINK before I speak, but to PRAY as well. And when we pray, we need to pray for the right words, but also the courage of our convictions.
When holding someone accountable, we must be willing to open yourself to criticism. But we also need to share of ourselves. If we open ourselves us, we can open the door for our friend to be more, well, open!
Recently a friend shared with me some news from her life that broke my heart. My initial reaction was to support her… but God’s initial reaction was to hole ME accountable to speak to her as a sister in Christ. And I did. I stuttered and stammered, and frankly felt as inept as a human can be. And while she heard my words, the epiphany I hoped for didn’t come. But others are speaking up, too, all of us nudged by God (ok, some of us… me… are more stubborn and needed a strong push from God!). And then we all fall back and pray. The situation may not change.
But whether the situation changes or not, we all need to speak the words, walk the walk, and hold each other to God’s standards.
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