Life as a Christian Woman

Today’s guest writer is Sarah, another author here at 451 Press, at Mental and Emotional Health and About Portland, OR. She offered to share her story of salvation, and it is one that mirrors so many of our journeys of finding, losing, and finding God again. My own is so similar to hers it is shocking. Thank you, Sarah, for sharing this with us.

Growing up in rural Oregon, my parents used to tell us that we belonged to the “Church of Stay In Bed on Sunday Mornings.” The E family, neighbors down the road, took my younger sister and I to church with them any time we wanted to go, and I loved it. The E family had ten children so adding two more to the van was no problem for them. (I remember each of those children’s names to this day, too. Ben(jamin), (Eliza)Beth, Sarah, Sam(uel), Mary, Mark, Micah, Jacob, Joe & Hannah!) I was right in between Sarah & Mary and my sister was between Mary & Mark so we literally fit into the family perfectly. The E family was a pillar at the church we attended. Mom & Dad E were among the first members of the church when it began, and because of the ten children, everyone knew them. My sister and I were counted in their family (making it an even dozen children!) when the church would do family counts even.

In junior high I made friends from all over town and stopped hanging out/playing with Mary as often as I had in elementary school. By the time my sophomore year of high school rolled around, I rarely saw the E family, and I’m ashamed, now, to admit that when I’d run, I purposefully would run on the other side of the road so I didn’t have to stop and tell them that I was too cool for church then.

In October, a close friend took me with her to an FFH concert where I publicly accepted Christ as my Savior. I left the concert feeling AMAZING and wanted to tell everyone. I started going to a weekly lunch Bible study that was held on campus and lead by other students. Three weeks after accepting Christ I was asked to pray aloud. I was mortified. I had never prayed aloud before, and there were 30 of my fellow students and friends in the room. I tried to tell J (the Senior leading us that day) that I didn’t want to, and he pushed me to do it.
I did, but my voice was so shaky and by mid-prayer I was crying so I’m sure no one heard my first aloud prayer. I never returned to this Bible study.

By this time, I had started attending church regularly. There were four girls who were very close to one another all in my German class who attended the church I was at. Katie and I used to pass notes back and forth in Government class about church (this seems very funny to me now!) and I still have a note where she encouraged me to buy a Student Bible like hers stuck in the back of my Bible (a student one, no less) that I’ve had for the past 8 years. In this note, K told me that she was in a weekly Bible study with Shannon, Megan, Bethany & Susan (Bethany’s mom) that she wanted me to come to one morning. I was both thrilled to be invited to this group and scared that I wouldn’t fit it or I would feel out of place. The next Friday morning I set my alarm a half-hour early and went to the house. I immediately felt at home there. Susan welcomed me into their home like I had been with the girls all year long, and since I knew the girls within school, I was already pretty comfortable. They took me in and told me that they wanted me to come EVERY week from then on out. I did.

There were very few days I missed Saturday or Sunday services, I never skipped Wednesday youth group and I was accepted to join the mission team that year. The entire Bible study group traveled to the Navajo reservation that summer to build the foundation of a church and play in The Grand Canyon. It was one of the most moving experiences of my life. Our Bible study group grew even closer the night of the Potlach the tribe held when we sat outside the group huddled together talking about things we’d never told one another and praying. It was an amazing experience and changed my life.

When I left for college, I started at a church my youth pastor had recommended to me. I loved the church, the college group was huge and I felt like I fit in, until one of the adult members learned that I was dating a non-Christian. To preface this story, I have lived with depression and anxiety since the age of 15 (thanks to Accutane). I was medicated and fine with it. I was getting the help that I needed.

Lori, I think that was her name at least, found out that my boyfriend (of 5 years by that point) was a non-Christian and she pulled me aside one day to tell me that the only reason I was depressed was because “you’re dating Satan.” No joke, the woman told me that the love of my life was Satan. I never went back to that church. In fact, I stopped going to church all together. I was so offended and so hurt by this woman’s words that I couldn’t do it.

For five years I didn’t attend church. I didn’t seek out a church. I didn’t like church. I had to be dragged to church. My best friend Stephanie dragged me to her Lutheran church six months ago and I felt weird. I felt like they all knew I wasn’t an active church-goer, and I felt like I stood out because I didn’t take Communion. (I didn’t feel comfortable with the body of Christ since I wasn’t actively IN the body of Christ. Six weeks after Steph took me with her, I took a literal leap of faith and went to church. Alone. At the same church (different branch) where I had gone in college. I was a bit uncomfortable (and sat next to a loud mouth-breather so I was a bit distracted) but I went. Last Sunday I went back to the Lutheran church with Stephanie (and they didn’t eat this non-Lutheran!) and I cried during church. I was so moved by watching Pastor Greg’s son run up to him after communion that my eyes literally started LEAKING. I accepted communion last week and accidentally dipped my bread into the wine, not the grape juice. Church wine is STILL not my favorite Sunday-morning food flavor!

I have been back to the church I attended alone three times now and am feeling more comfortable. I plan on continuing to go and seeing how life back in a church (since I’m not “dating Satan” now) goes for me!

-Sarah

christian, christian women, salvation, testimony