Is Today’s Church Too Female Oriented?
Over the last several months, more and more studies have been released on the disparity between the percentages of women and men who regularly attend church. While women are far more likely to be consistent congregation members, research shows that children whose fathers attend church are more likely to stay in the church than children who only attend church with their mothers. So why this gender difference, and how do we bring our men back into the church services?
One theory being put forth is that our church services have become feminized. After talking to both men and women from my church, that statement appears to be true. Boys reaching the age of 10, 11 and 12 are dropping out of extra church activities. My own son, who is 11, has stopped attending the Wonderful Wednesdays program in which church buses pick up the kids after school on Wednesdays and take them to the church for activities. One of the required activities is that they participate in the children’s choir. At least three boys around my son’s age have stopped attending because of the required choir participation. During the last service when the kids sang on Sunday morning, the girls outnumbered the boys by at least three to one, possibly more. Very few boys in that age group enjoy singing, and fewer still will sing in front of audience. And because of this activity which clearly only the girls enjoy, our boys are being lost.
I attend a contemporary service with a live band, refreshments, and relaxed atmosphere where more people are in denim and khaki than dresses or ties. The difference in attendance between men and women is not noticeable in this service. This was not the case at a previous church I attended with only traditional services. The inherent differences in men and women are very real. Women are more likely to enjoy the pomp and circumstance of a traditional service with a formal schedule and routines followed every Sunday, right down to the hymns. Men, especially younger men, are more action oriented. They like a change of pace and livelier songs.
Today’s popular hymns include sentiments of falling on our knees before God’s power, raising our hands in worship and crying out to God. All are necessary parts of true worship, giving ourselves totally to God and His will. But can we expect our men to do these things in a public arena? Being married to a very “masculine” male myself, I have to say no. It is unreasonable to expect our men to do this in church week after week in front of the same people they have to work with and interact with out in the community.
In an article adapted from David Murrow’s book Why Men Hate Going to Church, five major reasons are given for how the feminized church turns masculine men away:
- Music fits women’s tastes.
- Feminine metaphors.
- Corny, sentimental elements.
- Emotive displays.
- Hand holding and hugging.
The article goes on to point out that unchurched men “vote with their feet.”
You may be thinking: A tilt toward the feminine heart? What are you talking about? Those of us who’ve grown up in church don’t notice anything out of balance. We can’t imagine church any other way. But unchurched men notice – and vote with their feet. This is a major reason 61 percent of the adult worshippers in our churches are female. Why some 70 percent of the volunteers and midweek participants are women. Why up to 90 percent of the boys who are raised in church will abandon it by their 20th birthday, many never to return.
If the men are to be our spiritual leaders, as set forth in the Bible, we must draw them back into the church. Replace words with action. Un-sap the sappy sentiments and music. Give masculine men a place they can be proud of rather than embarrassed in. Without doubt, God is a God of love, the ultimate love we can never imagine here on earth. He is also a God of action, all powerful, creator of everything, a God of awe and fear. Perhaps if we bring back our recognition of God in all his forms, our people in all forms (men and women) will return as well. As Ken Gurley points out in his article Church: Men Not Allowed!, maybe we could sing “Onward Christian Soldier” once in a while.
In the words of the Gaithers, we just need a few good men.
christian, christian men, men in church, feminine church
March 12th, 2008 at 10:09 am
well in India we don ‘t have to face this.
I liked the song
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:14 am
Hello to all females…..i agree most men are diffrent by their very nature of being males,,,,so what can u expect? your male to act as if he were female? no i think not ,,,so just embrace him,,and he will learn its between himself and his god not you him and his god,,,some females make mistake of letting their imagination,,thoughts fears run away with them selves,,and think men must act like carbon copies of womens desires,,values,,,well guess what,,i as a male cannot expect you as a female to have,maintain,posess characteristics,,attributes as a male so what im saying is dont feel ure man should behave like a female,,he will not he is male!! also there is a diference between being a god fearing male and a macho male..i am not a macho male…also ladies dont try to force ure ideaologies on yr men,,becuse ive seen many great men who arent bible beliving,,and many bad men who were vocal church going lip serving types…i personally think its an issue with knowing ones self…and being emotionaly secure in ur own life and being a christian,,,example some women make the mistake of lookin to their husbands as things that need to be changed,,,and thats not a normal way of life as i see it,,,,,i argue why would u marry a man that is needed to be changed in the 1st place? i mean babies need change,,,,did u marry a baby infant or a man..??,,,,,so lets get our own selves together,,,1st then lets ask direct honest questions…not those police interrorgation,,type double negative,,,open ended,,trick questions,,,that can never have a correct answer.!!!!tahnk u..
May 26th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Over the last several months, more and more studies have been released on the disparity between the percentages of women and men who regularly attend church. While women are far more likely to be consistent congregation members, research shows that children whose fathers attend church are more likely to stay in the church than children who only attend church with their mothers. So why this gender difference, and how do we bring our men back into the church services?