Lord, He’s Driving Me Nuts!
Annoying habits; personality quirks; nervous tics; we all have them. And our spouses seem to develop more of them the longer we are together. “I have one nerve left, and you’re on it” always brings a giggle because we can relate so well. “Familiarity breeds contempt” is a harsher version, but that statement did not become popular for lack of reference, either. Somewhere around year two of marriage, the cute is suddenly not so cute anymore, and habits once lovingly ignored begin to encroach on our sanity. I can’t help but think even the Apostles must have been mighty miffed when Jesus slept like a baby on the boat while a storm threatened to smash it to toothpicks. “Would you believe HE’S ASLEEP again! How can he sleep at time like this? We’re in a raging storm, in a wooden boat, with the Son of God, and HE’S ASLEEP!”
My husband snores. Loudly. Every night for 10 years and 11 months. At first, I paid it no attention. Lots of people snore, and since I read every night I could tune it out. Gradually, though, I couldn’t tune it out anymore. The more I noticed it, the louder it got. It was not unusual for me to be in bed reading first, but I soon found myself rushing to get everything done so I could go to bed, and hopefully to sleep, first. It took years to build up, but then I found myself a couple of nights going to sleep on the couch because I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I would actually get mad at him and lie awake furiously debating whether to wake him up and make him get on the couch or if it was easier to go myself. I was losing it!
One particularly bad night, after turning him over a few times to no avail, I lay there and prayed for God to deafen my ears or mute his voice, I didn’t care which. I asked Him to calm my nerves so I could get to sleep. Then, I started thinking how nice it would be to have a few nights when I could sleep in peace and quiet. I dropped off that night calmed by prayer. The next night, after a late night trip due to drinking tea with a snack, I crawled back in bed an pulled the covers up just in time to hear the snore. I had woken him up just enough to get him going again. “Lord, here we go again!” I thought. After a couple of more logs being dressed and sent down the river, I closed my eyes tight, then snapped them open again with a sudden idea.
What if I didn’t hear that sound? The only way that would happen after ten years was if my husband was no longer there. Whether death, divorce, or serious illness, it would mean that something terrible had happened. Some event would have to take him away from me. Certainly I was not willing to undergo such an ordeal for a few nights sleep! God helped me to see what the trade-off would be, and gave me a good night’s rest accompanied by snores.
It is not always our spouses’ habits that need to, or will, change. Often, by changing our own attitudes, we can once again return to that time when we just don’t notice those annoyances. We will learn to step over the clothes on the floor, to sit patiently while he backs into a parking space rather than driving in, or to become oblivious that he has surfed his way through 130 channels for the second time. My husband still snores, and I still make him turn over if he gets too loud. But now I realize that horrible noise means everything is right in my world. If God can love a snorer, then with His help, I can, too.
A prayer to change your attitude: Lord God, I thank you that you love me and care about my life and my feelings. I find myself getting annoyed at the things my husband does. Habits are hard if not impossible to break; but my attitude is easily changed with your guidance. So I pray that you will calm my nerves and soothe my ills. Help me to overlook those things that I find so unnerving right now. Give me a peaceful heart and help me to turn contempt into love. Remind me that our marriage does not hinge on this one thing, but is a continual walk together in all things. In your Son’s name I pray. Amen.
Do you have a pet peeve concerning your spouse? Have you found a way to deal with it? Share your trials and triumphs in the comments section.
christian women, christian marriage, faith, christian love
June 18th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
How true it is that the things that we don’t seem to be able to overlook in our spouse, are usually things that we didn’t notice or mind in the beginning of our relationship.
I found the 3rd year of marriage to be the hardest, but because we agreed to NOT try to change eachother, and instead ask the Lord “How do I need to change me?”, we have had an extremely great marriage. We still hold to this,, 27 years later. Not that we never ask the other to change something, but we don’t try to change eachother…big difference.