The art of asking forgiveness
We hear an awful lot about forgiveness, don’t we? We are well-versed in turning the other cheek, the parable that Christ told to demonstrate forgiving our brothers.
But I tell you not to resist an evildoer. On the contrary, whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him as well. Matthew 5:39
But there is another side to the business of forgiveness… the art of asking for forgiveness.
Recently I became aware of a situation where someone repeated something that wasn’t true, without checking it out first, despite the fact that there was a professional relationship between those concerned. It was put in writing and passed around. Serious damage was done to many people, and reputations were on the line. When the gossiper (and that is what he was) found out that his unchecked facts were wrong, he basically said, “Oops” and let it end there. He has not apologized to the many people that he wronged. It would be an act of contrition, one that is desperately needed. There are hurt feelings, damaged hearts, wounded relationships. When repeatedly approached about his need to go to those he wronged, he has claimed that he has already “moved on.” But those he hurt are left wondering “why?”
Admitting that you have done something wrong is hard. Admitting it to the person that you have wronged is even harder. Asking their forgiveness is darn near impossible! After all, it involves humbling yourself to someone. Humbling ourselves to God is easy, expected, understood. Doing it before a fellow servant of God is much, much harder. And yet, we are called to do just that. If we don’t we are out of favor with God, outside the parameters of His teachings.
We are vain individuals. We don’t like to embarrass ourselves, or look weak. And somehow in our world, admitting that you are wrong has become a symbol of weakness.
A few weeks ago I wrote about confronting someone Biblically, according to Matthew 18 (Life as a Christian Woman, May 30). Earlier in Matthew, we are told that that if we are in a quarrel with someone, if our brother or sister has something against us, we must go to them immediately and seek reconciliation.
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
But what practical steps should we follow to reconcile? First, we need to identify the offense and it’s root cause. Were we led by pride or greed? Selfishness? What was the motivation that led us to commit the offense.
Then we need to step back and think about how to word our apology. What do we need to say to express the depth of our sadness, to let the person we are going to know that we are sincere?
Next we need to determine how to approach the person. Are you better at putting things in writing? Maybe you should write the person a letter. Or maybe a face-to-face visit would be better, more personal.
Finally, you have to consider the potential outcome. What if you are rejected or made fun of? What if the person remains angry or inconsolable?
Additionally, if necessary, you must have a plan for restitution. That may mean paying back some money or service, or it may mean that you have to correct the wrong you made. For instance, if you gossiped or lied about someone, to complete the act of asking for forgiveness, you must go to those to whom you told the lies and tell them that you lied.
The person I spoke of earlier needs to go immediately and apologize to his brother in Christ. He needs to humble himself according to God’s word.
It’s what God calls all of us to do.
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